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From Tom Pritchard . . .
According to Smokey's Management, the last few dive reports have offended some of our readership. It certainly wasn't my intention, or the intention of the reprobate TNI's, to offend anyone - so I offer a sincere apology. This certainly wasn't webmaster Vern's fault, but it is worth noting that he was unable to completely censure the last few dive reports because he ran out of asteris*s. Vern ordered a new batch and should be ready to suppress all those offens*ve double entendres and innuendoes. The TNIs have already in*tituted several procedure* to ensure that this doesn't happen again. For example, last week, we invited Anita Bryant to come by to make sure that the men were wearing the boxer shorts and the wo*en were wearing the thongs - and not vice versa. This coming Thursda* Jerry Falwell will come by to say grace before we eat and then pr*y for our eternal damnation. Billy Graham may stop by to shake a finger at us. The after dinner speaker was supposed to be Benny Hinn, but a screwups in the TNI front office invited Benny Hill by mistake. So, instead of curing our ills and falling prostrate before the Lord, we sang dirty ditties and drank until we fell on the floor. Too bad the wrong invitation went out; I was looking forward to getting some hair styling tips from Benny Hinn. On the plus *ide of the ledger, PADI will send a rep sometime over the next few week* to run a $150 course entitled, "Underwater Handling and Use of Inflatables." Afterwards, GMan and I will demonstrate the hazards posed by inflatables in a seminar entitled, "Improper Use of an Inflatable." If PADI can convince Patty that mouth-to-mouth resuscitation is the most effective method to revive a person, she may teach a rescue class. The low point of the evening was when Jimmy Swagert started hitting on PADI Patty. Patty politely explained that she was giving up dating clergy as her New Year's Resolution. Jimmy asked Patty to give it up for Lent instead, but Patty held her ground. Jimmy began weeping and left quietly. And last but not least, Ralph Reed will send an emissary next week to ensure that there aren't any consenting adults consenting to stuff he wouldn't consent to. George Heck, Jay Bell, and Paul Speedy Burnhard dove just to get away from all these people. The plan was to find fish, but we didn't get into the weeds and the fish wouldn't come out, so the dive was almost fishless. We headed into the cul de sac, following the ropes past the van and truck. We turned right at the road and tuned south at the bomb. A brief stop at the Mystery Boat and then back on compass to Bubba and finally out. 51 minutes. 41 degrees at the surface; 45 at depth. By the time we got out, GMan, Kulp, and James were there to Bask in the Glow. James brought Corbin along, so we gave him some popcorn and made sure he stayed a safe distance from the clergy in attendance. We would like to thank Tipper Gore for giving this dive report a "PG" rating.
From Darth Vern . . .
Well it was a very slow week. Only 1 report from our favorite writer of course, Tom Pritchard. I took the written test to join other Smokeys Divers as volunteer divers at the Baltimore Aquarium. I am hoping I did well enuff to get an invite to the 2nd test which is in-water skills at a pool. If I pass that, I then wait to get "drafted" for a regular volunteer team. Anyone wishing to volunteer for all sorts of jobs at the Aquarium can start here: LINK. I highly advise volunteering. It is great to give back to the community and it just makes ya feel better. I know that was corny, but hey, its a short week!!!!!
Keep on diving and LIVE THE ADVENTURE!!!
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